The point is to stay balanced while life tries to pull you out of balance.
Hello Fellow, this was a tough week, and I want to talk about it because it is exactly the kind of week where stoicism stops being a nice idea and becomes a practice.
I use stoicism in a very practical way, not as a vibe, not as a quote collection, but as a tool to get through stress without losing myself. This week was not well planned on my side. Appointments moved, new obligations showed up out of nowhere, the schedule kept reshuffling, and at some point, you hit that familiar wall. You feel like you are running from one thing to the next, and still, nothing is truly finished.
That moment is the moment to intervene.
Not with “try harder”, not with self-pity, not with grinding another hour out of spite, but with clarity. The core Stoic move is simple: it is the three circles: what you control, what you can influence, and what is not in your control.
We all say we understand that, but a week like this exposes the truth: a lot of things we believe we can sway are actually in the no-control zone. And that is why you exhaust so quickly. You spend energy as if you were steering the weather.
This week, I was exhausted. I could feel the tension in my body, even though I remained mentally relatively calm. That is an important distinction. Calm does not mean you feel nothing. Calm means you are still in charge of your actions and reactions even under pressure. Anyone selling “never stressed, always confident” as the goal is, in my view, either not challenging themselves or not being honest about the cost.
Challenge must hurt, or nothing changes.
If this week had not hurt, I would not have learned anything. I could sit there and philosophize about inner peace all day long, but that is not the point. The point is to stay balanced while life tries to pull you out of balance.
Here is the practical test I use: can I look in the mirror and say I did everything that was in my power to sway the outcomes I committed to? Not everything that was expected, not everything that was imagined, but everything that was actually in my control to execute.
That is how you build a life without regret.
And this is where I will be a bit provocative, especially for the tech space: I hate deadlines! Not because I dislike commitment, but because “deadline commitment” is often a commitment to something you cannot control.
You can control your effort, your craft, your standards, your decisions, your communication, your prioritization, your ability to say no, your ability to rest and come back, and your ability to keep moving. You can sometimes influence speed with trade-offs. But you cannot control time the way people pretend you can.
A lot of deadlines are fictional milestones wearing serious clothes.
Yes, there are real deadlines in life. If you need to save a life, that is a deadline. But in software, in product, in leadership work, a large chunk of “deadlines” are negotiated fantasies – at best.
When you commit to them like they are physics, you are basically signing up for loss of control, and loss of control is one of the fastest roads to burnout.
So here is the discipline reframe I live by now: commit to getting it done, not to getting it done at a specific date.
That does not mean being vague. That does not mean being lazy. That means being honest about what kind of promise you are making and communicating it clearly.
This is the sentence I use when pressure rises:
“I will get it done. I can’t promise a date, but I will do everything in my power to get it done.”
It sounds simple, but it changes everything. It puts you back into the control circle. It forces a different kind of planning, planning around reality, not around theater. It also forces stakeholders to stop outsourcing their anxiety into your calendar.
And I want to address a common confusion: discipline is not “I must”.
If you think you are disciplined because you push through when someone else tells you to, that is not discipline. That is obedience to an external agenda.
Discipline is “I will”; it is self-led. It is the internal commitment to fulfill what you decided to stand for, even when it is uncomfortable, even when it is uphill, even when the week is ugly.
That is why I went out every day this week.
When I know a day is going to be heavy, I need to move. I am writing this while I am outside, doing my “jogging ruck”, running with a weight. Yes, I know the discussions: “don’t jog with weights, do rucking.” I understand. I still do it because it is one of the ways I test my edge; it is painful, it builds my body, and it teaches me something simple: I can be under load and still move forward – Voluntary discomfort 💪
Stoics treat voluntary discomfort as training: you choose small, controlled hardship (cold, hunger, simplicity) to rehearse resilience and reduce fear of loss, so adversity can’t easily shake your judgment. It’s not self-punishment; it’s a premeditated practice that strengthens self-control and proves to you that you can function calmly, with less – and it works very well; you should try.
That is the whole metaphor.
Not bragging outwardly, but the quiet certainty that when things hit hard, you will not abandon yourself
Several years ago, a week like this would have crushed me. I would have retreated, numbed myself, ordered junk, escaped into easy dopamine. Today, the week ends, and I am still standing. Not because I am special, but because I trained the practice: reflect daily, intervene early, control what I can, let go of what I cannot, and keep commitments without turning timing into a weapon.
That is what confidence actually is. Not bragging outwardly, but the quiet certainty that when things hit hard, you will not abandon yourself. I write that down in my mirror book, in the brag section, not to impress anyone, but to remember who I am when the next week tries to test me again.
So here is my Monday reflection, distilled:
Commit to outcomes. Hold your standards. Tell the truth about time. Use the three circles before you burn energy in the no-control zone. Push through when it is right, rest when it is wise, and never confuse external pressure with discipline.
One question for you: where in your week are you committing to timing, when you should be committing to outcome?
—Adrian
